The Modern Nomads

One Family's Journey

Category: Amanda’s Musings

When Ministry Becomes an Idol

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On August 24, 2017

In Amanda's Musings

Last night marked a huge shift in my ministry. After eleven consecutive years in a church-based Women’s Ministry and nine years at my current location, I attended my last women’s leadership meeting. Over the last several months, I’ve felt the Lord moving me in a different direction. But, I really didn’t want to listen. My church has experienced so much uncertainty and confusion during the past few years, so originally, I thought it was a combination of burnout and compassion fatigue. However, the more I tried to keep going and refusing to give up, the more frustrated, confused, angry, and unsettled I became. This past May it came to a head. I looked around at my life and realized that I had become a wife, mommy, and minister that I didn’t like. I was pouring so much time and energy into MY ministry and leaving out my children, my husband and the ministry I have with (and to) him. I was frustrated, confused, angry, and unsettled because I had made MY ministry an idol.

You see, women’s ministry was something that was totally mine. Of course, I had an incredible leadership team who served sacrificially and was a constant source of encouragement. But, it was still MY ministry. I’m a fiercely independent person, and I liked having something that wasn’t “shared.” I got married in my 30’s, and I’ve had a very difficult time with the whole concept of “they will become one flesh” (Gen. 2:24). Oh, I didn’t realize this was occurring. After all, I was a “vital” partner in my husband’s ministry. He seeks my counsel, listens to what I say, and often acts on my advice. But, it wasn’t enough. I wanted (and thought needed) more. I wanted to have something (disguised as ministry) all to myself. I absolutely love the girls in our college/young adult ministry, so it took many months for me to realize that MY ministry had become my idol.

To be honest with you, it wasn’t until last Friday, while talking with my former co-leader, that God showed me the true condition of my heart. Myra asked: “How hard is it going to be for you to walk away from this?” Immediately, my heart leapt, and I wanted to sob. The reality of the difficulty was impossible to express in mere words. That day I told her that women’s ministry was a passion of mine, and it was going to be weird to still be involved in ministry at our church but not be in charge of the women’s ministry. In all actuality, it was my idol, MY ministry, that was difficult to give up. God was asking me to sever that last part of me that was keeping me “independent.” He was asking me to lay down MY ministry and fully join my husband in OUR ministry. He was asking me to practice what I preach (and actually wrote a book about). MY ministry had become first place in my life, and everything else in my life was required to follow. He was asking me to lay down my life, my desires, my understanding of ministry, and my security in order to become “one flesh” with the man He has given me. I’m still struggling with what this looks like, but I am hopeful for the future.

In a week our town will, once again, be filled with college students…OUR students. The Lord has put such an excitement in my heart for what lies ahead at Cook, and I haven’t felt that excitement in a long time. I feel the energy I used to spend on MY ministry shifting. I’m beginning to have a vision for our college girls and young adults that I haven’t felt before. I’m realizing all the education and experience I’ve acquired can and will be used in OUR ministry. Yes, it’s still scary to think about letting go, but I’m learning to do it. There is a whole host of young women who need someone to pour into them. And, most importantly, I have two young women living under my roof that need their mommy to pour into them. I’m in the process of raising and discipling the next generation–both at home and on our campuses. I don’t have time to hang onto MY ministry and risk missing what God has in store for OUR ministry. God has so much more in store for me than I can even imagine. And, I don’t want to miss it!

Father, thank you for revealing the idolatry in my heart and giving me Your grace to confront it. May I continue to lay it down at your feet and worship You alone!

What a blessing it has been to work with this group of women! I love each of you dearly!

Don’t Mess with My Kids

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On July 7, 2017

In Amanda's Musings

The last few weeks have been very difficult for our family. On June 20th, the stomach bug visited our house, starting with Boogie. It didn’t take long before it attacked the rest of us. Since then, our girls have gotten sick at least twice a week. During this time, our little Boog-man had a blister that popped up on his tongue, which caused him tremendous pain for several days. A toddler + Pain = Not alot of sleep for this mommy and daddy.  This has been our reality, and it has been frustrating.

In the midst of this crazy season, God began showing me that this was something deeper than just a random sickness or a blister. I am convinced that we have been under an onslaught of spiritual attacks. For some of you, this may sound like crazy talk. (I get it…I DID grow up Southern Baptist where we tend to be a little afraid of the “Holy Ghost.” 🙂 ) But, I’ve learned something in my few short years. The enemy is real, and he desires nothing more than to destroy you. Scripture is very clear that our battle is not against flesh and blood (what we can see and touch), but it’s “against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places [satan] (Eph. 6:12, emphasis added).

So, what are we to do? Roll over and just take it? Absolutely not! We fight! We fight with God’s armor fastened securely around us and with the “sword of the Spirit” (Bible) in our hands and planted deeply in our hearts (Eph. 6:13-18). Over the last few weeks, I’ve learned (and learning) a new way of warfare fighting. In the past, the enemy has attacked me head on with sinful habits, pride, and just plain human nature. But, this time it’s different. He’s gone after my kids to get to me (and Chris). And, you know how it is when someone goes after your kids…mama bear comes out. So, I’ve decided I’m done being the timid, nice Christian mommy who just “prays” and hopes that the enemy leaves me and my kids alone. Instead, I’m going to fight fire with fire.

I’ve always understood the great responsibility the Father has given me as a mother. But, until recently, I didn’t understand how much the enemy also has a plan for my kids. You see, when I’m loaded down with sick, complaining children, a sleepless toddler, and not enough sleep, I turn into “mean mommy.” Instead of showing compassion and mercy (which is already difficult for me), I reveal a quick temper and frustrated heart. Instead of enjoying and using the extra snuggles to vocally pray over my children, I think only of my tired body and count the hours until I can climb back in bed. When I remove my spiritual armor and refuse to take up my Sword, I’m communicating to my children that God cannot handle the things that are important to us…like rest and a healing. When push comes to shove, all they see is a frustrated mommy who gives up and into the immediate situation.

I don’t know about you, but I was made for something more. If you are in Christ, then you were made and given the power to fight victoriously!! PRAISE! We no longer have to walk around afraid to call out the enemy when we see him at work in our lives (or our kids’ lives). I’ve seen the power of God over satan. I’ve witnessed Him setting captive hearts free and redeeming people back from the pit. I’ve watched the Father take down strongholds, and I’ve seen Him do that in my life. And…I want my kids to see that too. I want to them to know that I will fight for them in prayer. I want them to know God is bigger than anything that comes in our life. I want them to see me living out of the power of the Spirit, and not just telling them nice, little Bible stories about His power. It is in these moments of seeing me be who God created me to be and unashamedly defending them against the enemy of their souls (and body) that their awe of God will (prayerfully) increase. I want them to see a mommy who doesn’t cower to the enemy’s tactics, but instead, calls out to the God who is Lord over heaven and earth. Lord, may it be so!

 

Overcoming an Offense

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On June 29, 2017

In Amanda's Musings

The last couple of years have been difficult for me, my family, and our ministry.  Our church has experienced an onslaught of attacks (from within and from without), which have caused much heartbreak. During this season, there have been countless opportunities for me to become offended at misunderstood circumstances, deceitful actions of others, and words uttered out of pain and frustration. There have been times where I have given into that temptation and harbored resentment and anger at the very people I have been called to serve.

People in ministry are human and are subject to the same heartbreak and then sinful reactions to that hurt. So, how are we, as Believers, to deal with those who have offended us?

First, we must realize we are offended.

Realizing and then accepting the fact that I was offended was the most difficult part in the process of overcoming my offended heart. I had taken pride in allowing people’s words and actions to not affect me. However, as time went on, I found that my heart had grown bitter and cold. I didn’t want to be in fellowship with my church body. I hid from social outings. I stopped encouraging my husband to have our students in our home. And, most sadly, I became a very angry wife and mommy.

Almost overnight I began to live out the description found in 2 Timothy 3:2-5. In this passage, Paul makes the most sobering statement. Those who think only of themselves and their needs, hurts, and wants are capable of “having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power” (2 Tim 3:5). This was me. I had gotten so caught up in my own hurt that I had lost sight of others, especially my family. I had shut myself off from those who loved me and from the God who was waiting to heal me. If you knew me well, you probably noticed I had become cold and uninviting. However, I sought to fool those around me with continuing in my “service to the Lord” all the while being “proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, [and] unappeasable” (2 Tim 3:2-3).

Praise God, He didn’t leave me in that state! In His mercy, He showed me the sinfulness of my offended heart, convicted me of that sin, and then helped me seek repentance and forgiveness. And, that leads me to the second part of the healing process.

 

We must be willing to work through the offense.

In the process of working through my offended heart, God taught me much about my sinful condition and His gift of reconciliation. In speaking to the Pharisees, Jesus stated: “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. … I desire mercy, and not sacrifice. For I came not to call the righteous, but sinners.” (Matt. 9:12-13)  I’ve come to realize that we have a lot of hurting, “sick” people in our congregations who are in desperate need of the Great Physician, and I was/am chief among them.

I have been in some sort of full-time ministry for 16 years. Over time, it became easier for me to see myself as the one who introduces people to hope and healing instead of being the one in need of hope and healing. Ladies, just because you are involved in ministry does not mean you have it all figured out or that you are not capable of giving into any form of temptation.

At one point in this journey, it felt like I would never be able to forgive and move past my offended heart. However, God brought me face-to-face with a freeing, yet difficult, truth. Paul, through the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, reminds us that: “No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.” (1 Cor 10:13)

As time passed, it was easier to heap offense upon offense instead of working through the offense. But, enough was enough. It was time for me to realize that God had allowed offenses into my life in order to shape my character, heart, and responses to reflect His nature. You see, I am an offender, too. I have betrayed my Savior with my sinful, prideful heart. I have offended my family by reacting out of selfishness instead of forgiveness. And, I have offended my calling by holding onto hurt instead of releasing it to the Father. These realities made it easier (though still difficult) to forgive and move forward. As I allowed God to heal and rebuild my heart, I was finally free to truly minister again. And, that is the final step in dealing with an offense.

 

We must minister in spite of the offense.

Honestly, I am still working through this part of the process, but I am willing. Throughout this journey, there have been countless moments where I have cried out, “I believe; help my unbelief!” (Mk 9:24) And, my God has been faithful to answer His daughter’s cry. We live in a world where hurting people hurt other people. (I know. I’ve been one of them.) So, we must get used to turning our hearts over to the Lord and allowing Him to be the One who protects them.

In the past, I was my own protector. And, it didn’t work. This journey has also taught me how little I have opened my heart to people, even to those with whom I minister. The minute someone offended/hurt me or said something that went beyond my ability to handle, I shut down, shut myself off from people, and wallowed in self-pity.

You see, the closer you are to people, the deeper the possibility for hurt. Previously, my answer was to keep people at a distance. It worked. But, it was only half living and half ministering.

God calls us to something much greater. We are to be “like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither” (Ps 1:3). In order for a tree to yield fruit, it must remain securely planted. Imagine how unproductive a tree would be if it uprooted itself every time it experienced a hot day, damaging winds, or annoying pests. Instead, whenever difficulty arises, it digs its roots deeper into the ground. Ladies, we are called to root ourselves in Christ, His Word, and yes, even His church (Heb. 10:19-39). When we are hurt, we are to turn it over to Christ knowing He is capable of dealing with the offense and the offender. Does that mean we don’t acknowledge the offense? Absolutely not! (See point one.) But, it does mean that we don’t allow ourselves to become embittered by the offense and shut our hearts off from those to whom we are called to love and minister. I’m learning that as I continue to minister alongside my husband in spite of the offense, the temptation to recoil becomes less and less.

 

Ladies, I’m not sure where you are in this journey, but it is an important one to make. This fallen world offers us countless opportunities to become and remain offended. And, we must live above that temptation. We don’t need to deny the existence of our offended hearts, but we must allow God to heal us and move us forward. There are people out there who need us to lead them to the One who gives life, and we are more effective if we do this with a heart and an affection that is deeply rooted in Christ.

Originally published on www.biblicalwoman.com

 

The Get Along Shirt

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On June 21, 2017

In Amanda's Musings

This weekend Chris and I were in our room getting ready for a Father’s Day dinner when we heard the beginnings, of what would become, an epic fight between our girls. It went something like this: “That was my spot.” “No! I was here first.” NO! I was here first!” “NO I WAS HERE FIRST!” “NO. YOU. WERE. NOT!! I. WAS. HERE FIIIIRST!!!!!! (slap)” At this point we decided it was time to intervene. Chris looked at me and said: “It’s time for the Get Along Shirt.”

The “Get Along Shirt” is one of Chris’ t-shirts. He put both of the girls’ heads through the head of the shirt, with each girl having one arm through the arm hole. The more they pulled against each other, the more it hurt their neck. (A point they soon discovered.) Chris told them that the only way to alleviate the pain was to put their heads together, quit pulling away, and just sit there. The first one to acknowledge their wrongdoing and apologize got to get out of the Get Along Shirt. It took about 5 minutes, but our oldest broke first and decided to apologize. (I think it was more out of her wanting control back than out of a repentant heart.) I listened as my amazing husband calmly walked them through the conflict resolution steps. He reminded them that they should consider the other more important than what territory they occupied. He also reminded them that name-calling and violence is no way to handle a disagreement. Before they could move from the couch, Chris made them tell each other five things they loved about the other, while holding hands and looking directly into each other’s eyes. At first, it was brutal. (You would think that naming five positive things would be easy. Apparently not!)  However, by the time our youngest was finished affirming her sister, they were laughing with each other. The rest of the evening was great.

This scene got me to thinking about the “grownup” world in which I live. I have been taken back by the amount of name-calling, back-stabbing, and character assassinations I’ve seen on social media, news casts, and even heard from the pulpit. This observation wouldn’t be so astonishing if it were only non-believers. (I expect non-Christians to act like non-Christians.) However, those who profess to be followers of Jesus have been among the worst. I totally understand the need to fight against and call out injustices, terrorism, racism, and heresy. But, I don’t understand the need for individuals to attack people’s character and slander others just because you disagree with a certain theological, political, or social position. There are tons of people I disagree with on a daily basis (including, at times, myself). However, aren’t people, who may go against everything I stand for, still “made in the image of God” and precious to the God who created them (Gen. 1:27)? Aren’t they worthy of respect and common decency?  Maybe…just maybe, it’s time for some of us to squeeze into the “Get Along Shirt.”

During the epic fight, my girls where utterly opposed to each other. They both thought they were entitled to THAT spot on the couch, and they weren’t going to move. However, the Get Along Shirt forced them into the same location, in which they couldn’t move without hurting themselves. Some of us have forgotten that the more we accuse and slander each other, the more we are actually hurting ourselves. More importantly, we are hurting the name of Christ. I’ve always been stunned by Jesus’ command in John 13:34-35. “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this [your love for one another] all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” (emphasis added) I have this sinking feeling that us, Christ-followers, aren’t doing so good in this area. Instead of respectfully disagreeing with each other (which is healthy), we are throwing verbal punches…all in the name of “pure Christianity.” It’s sickening. And, it’s got to stop. We have to find ways to disagree with each other, all the while, respecting (not demonizing) each other. We need to see the commonality we share (sinful, awful people who are redeemed only through the death, burial, and resurrection of Christ), and then learn how to respond to our points of disagreement instead of attacking the “opposing” side’s character. YES, it is possible (and many times crucial) to point out the fallacy and even dishonesty of a person’s statement without assassinating their character. But, it takes humility and work.

Over the last few days, we have been bombarded with the recent “Republican targeted” shooting in which a man shot a group of congressmen just because of their political affiliation. It’s causing some of us to stop and question whether our rhetoric is contributing to this type of violence. I’ll let the experts debate that point, but I will say, our rhetoric (which is reflective of our heart) must change. Every week, Chris and I talk with college students who are confused at what they are seeing on Twitter and Facebook. Popular pastors and Christian leaders are spewing some of the most nasty, hurtful things at other religions, people within their own denomination with whom they disagree, and even towards our political leaders. We can do better. We MUST do better.

I think we could all learn something from my husband’s little “encouragement exercise.” Instead of looking and thinking only of what we don’t like about an individual, I want to challenge us to stop, look each other in the eyes, and then begin naming the things we do like about the other person. I think we will find that we have more in common than we ever dreamed. So…do you need the Get Along Shirt?

This is the the Get Along Shirt. Notice the wailing that is going on. You would have thought we were torturing them. 🙂

The “Inconvenience” of Motherhood

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On June 1, 2017

In Amanda's Musings, Uncategorized

Every now and again I get this burning within my spirit, and I know I need to write down what God is teaching me. Today is one of those days. Over the last several months people have sought to give Chris and me some “advice” regarding parenting. The advice normally sounds like this: “Enjoy this stage because it all goes downhill from here.” “This is when they are sweet, and then they grow up to be a three-year old, a pre-teen, and a teenager.” “I remember when mine were this little and now they are a pain.” Most of the time this “advice” is given right in front of their children and my heart breaks. What this precious child hears is that they were once valued, but now they are an inconvenience.
We live in a world where we despise being inconvenienced. We eat fast food; we drive fast cars; we talk on fast cell phones; and we live in the fast lane. We even DVR our TV shows to watch when it is more convenient for us. If something does not go our way, we throw a grown up temper tantrum by holding a grudge against someone, gossiping or seeking revenge. Over the last few months I think what I’ve seen more than anything is the “inconvenience” children cause in their parent’s lives, and once again, my heart breaks.


Motherhood is a new role for me. Makaylan is 5 months old, and I’ve learned a lot about being “inconvenienced” in the last 5 months. For example, I used to get 6-8 hours of uninterrupted sleep, but now I count it a blessing when I get 4 hours of sleep. I’ve also learned that just because your food is ready to eat does not mean that you will be eating it anytime soon. I laughed with a friend of mine the other day when she said, “I think my little girl hears the “ding” of the microwave and decides it’s time for HER to eat.” Any way you look at it, motherhood (parenthood) is inconvenient…and that is exactly how God designed it!!

Did we really think our precious children would come into our lives and not change things? From the moment you hear those amazing words “You’re pregnant!” God begins to mold and shape you into the parent who resembles His fatherly love towards us. But this shaping can only happen as we give over our rights to ourselves and allow God the freedom to shape us. The problem I’ve noticed, in myself and others, is that, often times, we push against His molding. He wants to produce within us love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and self-control (Gal. 5:22-23), and the tool He frequently uses to teach us these virtues is our children. But, when we see and treat our children as individuals who have interrupted our nice, cozy life, then we disrupt what God desires to do in us and in them. I am saddened when I see parents (especially professing Christian parents) handle their children with contempt. God has given us children in order to serve them, mold them, disciple them, and show them Christ’s love.
The Bible speaks over and over again about the blessing of children (Ps. 127:3-4, Ps 128, Ps 139:13-19). God calls us His children, and He delights over us (John 1:12). I am SO thankful that God does not see me, His child, as an inconvenience. Instead, while I was still a sinner He sent His Son, Jesus, to die for me (Romans 5:8). When I have come to Him in need, I have never felt Him roll His eyes at me. He delights in my need of Him, and encourages me to come to Him…with anything and at ANY time. He does not demand that I wait until morning, or that I grow up first, or that I get a grip. He offers Himself, and delights as we come to Him. My prayer is that my little girl (and any future children we are blessed to raise) will always know and feel that her parents prayed for her and still find her valuable…even when she is three years old!

Makaylan at 4 months 🙂

 

Learning to Trust

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On October 6, 2011

In Amanda's Musings, Uncategorized

I think this day will forever be marked in my memory. It was a year ago that I was pregnant with our precious Makaylan, and Chris and I had just moved to Mozambique. I was right in the middle of my first trimester with serious nausea and intense fatigue. I was also dealing with either a form of culture shock or pregnancy shock. : ) I went to work every day praying that I would make it through the day without puking, and then I would go back home (the Lechner house) and sleep until it was time to make supper. (Told you I was tired.) On this day, a year ago, I experienced one of the worst pregnant days of my entire pregnancy, and it turned out to be the biggest blessing of my life.

Here’s the story:

It was Will Lechner’s 16th birthday, and Angie made him his favorite birthday meal. I remembered he got Dr. Pepper as his gift, but I don’t really remember the meal. Reason? I was experiencing a form of nausea and stomach pain that I had not ever experienced. I knew Makaylan wasn’t in danger, but I still had some intense nausea. I got online and tried to uncover a natural remedy for my intestinal pain, but the options in Mozambique were very limited. Finally, I looked at Chris and asked him to do something. This was a HUGE step in our marriage. We were both single until we were almost 31 years old, and I was not accustomed to “needing” anyone. I remember thinking that I had never felt this sense of need for another person. I didn’t know what to do, and I saw my husband as a source of comfort. This was also one of the first times he, as a new groom, saw his wife in need, and he immediately went into action. He asked Charlie to drive him to different pharmacies to ask if they had anything to help me. They drove all over Maputo and came back home with a “cure.” I remember the triumph in Chris’ eyes as he come home holding what I needed. I also remember looking at him and thinking that he was the most amazing man I knew. It was a glorious moment!

So why do I share this with you? First, I want to brag on the incredible man I have in my life, and secondly, because I am reminded how far I (we) have come in a year. This incident was the beginning of me realizing that God did not design for me to go through life alone. For this independent woman, it was “easy” to depend upon God, but I had conditioned myself to not trust individuals. The saying, “I can do it myself” was my mantra. But, here in this moment, I couldn’t do it myself. I needed someone, and God had given me that someone in Chris. Since that time, we have moved back to Louisiana, went through a pregnancy, experienced labor and sleepless nights, AND we have learned to depend upon each other. It has been amazing to watch how God has taken two VERY independent people and taught them how to trust and rely on each other. This lesson has been a blessing to our life, our ministry, and (more importantly) our family.

Me and my man 🙂

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